2004-05-26 - 8:27 p.m.
i have been pretty obsessed with getting a dog for a real long time. like, years probably. i didn't get one a few years ago cause i was living the rock and roll lifestyle and didn't have enough money to both eat and stay drunk, let alone feed and care for some animal. then i lived in a place barely had enough room for anything. but now i am old, and i live in a place that is pretty spacious, so i feel like i can get a dog if i want to, but deep down i know i probably can't.
first off, i work a lot, and i think if i have a dog i would want to call off work all the time to play with it. second, our landlord would let us have a dog, but not before we tack an extra 100 bucks on the rent. that's kind of a lot of rent to pay for a dog, no matter how awesome the dog is, the fuckers not gonna have a job, you know? third, having a dog is a lot of work. you gotta train it to not trash everthing by eating it and pooping on it. you gotta make sure you feed it and walk it and bathe it and all that. there's vet bills and anal glands and it could get real unpleasant and expensive. i think it would be worth it, though, cause dogs are awesome.
so the responsible side of me is all like OH, DOGS ARE A LOT OF WORK, WE SHOULD WAIT TO GET ONE, but the crazy, dog-obsessed part of me is all like OH, GOD GIMME A DOG RIGHT NOW. that is the part of me that is constantly trying to get my husband to get me a dog...
the reason i do this (i think) is because if HE gets me a dog, it is obviously ok for me to get a dog. if he is like OH, NATALIE, LETS GET A DOG, then it is cool, and it is not me being all impulsive and getting a dog just cause i think it is cute... the thing is, he NEVER says we should get a dog.
i have tried and tried to talk him into it. i have made him go with me to play with puppies more times than i can count. i have even played with numerous kinds of puppies, in case he has not caved because he is not too into a particular kind of puppy. NO DICE.
i even broke out the PUPPY MATH, so i could convince him that having a dog would be no big deal, little ethiopian kid-style...
EXAMPLE #1: bulldog = $2000/8(the hypothetical lifespan for a bulldog in years)/12 months/30 days = 69 cents per day.
EXAMPLE #2: pug = $800/12(the hypothetical lifespan for a pug in years)/12 months/30 days = 18 cents per day.
MR. HUSBAND, FOR A MERE 18 CENTS PER DAY, I CAN HAVE A LITTLE PUG DOG THAT I CAN TAKE FOR A WALK AND HUG ALL DAY. OR, FOR 69 CENTS, LESS THAN THE PRICE OF A KING SIZE SNICKER BAR, I CAN HAVE A BIG FAT BULLDOG THAT I CAN DRESS UP AS A BEE, OR IN SOME KIND OF HAWAIIAN SHIRT.
it looks like i just might have to "find one on my way home from work". or "quit giving blowjobs". either way, i am sure it will all work out for the best.