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2003-05-30 - 4:50 p.m.

i am the most low-maintanance person ever.

i don't wear makeup too often. i don't shave my legs too often. my hair is long enough that i don't have to do anything to it ever. i don't like buying clothes. pretty much i don't give a fuck if it looks like i don't give a fuck.

the thing is, i start a new job next week. and i will have to be at work at 8 every day. i am horrible at waking up early. so my project for the last three days has been trying to streamline my morning routine so i can look presentable in ten minutes flat.

i have my shower routine down to a little more than 5 minutes. i get in, wash my hair, rinse, put conditioner in, soap up and rinse the conditioner out of my hair, wash my face real fast, and get the hell out. i comb my hair enough so is not all knotted up, and brush my teeth. the end.

then i got 12 plain tshirts in 12 different colors. then i got a pair of shoes i won't have to wear socks with. i have one pair of jeans. i will wear the same jeans everyday, and wear a different tshirt and my sockless shoes. i won't have to take time to figure out what to wear. i won't have to find a pair of socks, or smell a bunch of socks to pick out a clean pair. i will never ever have to think about clothes again.

i am the champion. i am super-efficient. i am a getting-ready machine. all you montherfuckers, taking 20 minutes to get ready, putting gel or some shit in you hair. YOU ARE SUCKERS. THAT IS TIME YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK. if you shave ten minutes off your getting ready thing, at the end of the month you will have THREE HUNDRED MINUTES. you could knit a scarf or paint a picture. you could exercise for ten minutes every day instead of picking some zit or putting lipstick on (which nobody notices anyway), and that would give you YEARS more time, since you won't die when you're 58.

me, i am just going to use that time to sleep an extra 15 minutes.

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