join my Notify List and get email when I update my site:
Powered by

2003-02-12 - 9:13 p.m.

i love hamsters. they are my favorite pet. they are cute and furry and industrious and they live in a cage, so they do not crap all over the place. unfortunately, they have this thing where they die all the time. i mean, a 2 year old hamster is pretty old. and they run away. and they are so small that if they run away they are hard to find. loving hamsters is an adventure in heartache.

here is the hamster-sorrow timeline.

1. asker and see-my-hiney-nice-and-shiney: (i thought it would be clever to name my hamster asker, which it wasn't. "what is your hamster's name?" "asker." my sister thought naming a hamster see-my-hiney-nice-and-shiney would make her seem brain-damaged, which it did.) they were two good hamsters. until asker got pregnant. she had her babies AND ATE THEM IMMEDIATELY AS SOON AS THEY POPPED OUT. straight from the ass to the mouth. actually, she must have gotten full, cause she didn't eat one of the babies. then the next day she did. then she went crazy and ATE SEE-MY-HINEY-NICE-AND-SHINEY. see-my-hiney-nice-and-shiney put up a fight though, and chewed one of her eyeballs out before he got eaten. then she ran away. for a second, we thought she ate herself, too. she was blood-thirsty. needless to say, i was not so all-about hamsters after this, but i got over it.

2. lenin and stalin: so cute. so nice. agreeable little hamsters. i had them for a couple years, until i went to college. i left them in the care of my sister, and she did nice work, until my little sister (see entry "my sister") liberated them into the heating ducts of my mom's house, and they were never seen again. this is little stalin. he was a nice little hamster.

3. hippo and the notorious fluffy g: again lovely, agreeable, long-lived hamsters. they were nice and did little hamster tricks and never bit me or peed on me. i think they were quite loyal, too, cause the only person they ever peed on was my nemesis, the anti-natalie. then, a little mouse got in hippo's cage and hippo killed it without prejudice. i think the mouse gave him some weird mouse disease, and then fluffy g got it too, cause they both died a couple days later. it was so unbelieveably sad.

4. monkeypuppy. i think monkeypuppy was a rebound hamster. i got him almost immediately after hippo and fluffy g, and when he disappeared i was not too sad about it. i feel bad though. it wasn't his fault he came after the two best hamsters ever. meh.

anyhoo, i quit having hamsters now. i will maybe consider it when they start making hamsters that are too big to get out of their cages and live for 14 years.


as an aside, this is my mom's huge freaking horse-dog. one time i looked out the window and saw him humping the neighbor's basset hound while he was wearing some nightgown with little hearts all over it. the nightgown was my little sister's doing. he is really dumb, but not a crossdresser.

previous - next