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2005-12-07 - 4:47 p.m.

I just had the greatest conversation of my entire life.

A few months ago, P. Diddy convinced me to buy some fancy face wash kit, and so I did. The thing is, when you buy this stuff, you have to join this "club" where they send you the stuff every couple months, whether you want it or not. I kept using the stuff for awhile, and it was alright, but eventually I just wanted to move on. I wanted to use different stuff, because different kinds of face wash and what kind of face wash I am going to buy next are on the short list of things I think about.* I don't have a job, okay?

So I had to call this place and cancel my face wash subscription. I had to get myself psyched up for it first, because I've had a recent phone phobia, and I just can't handle talking on the phone. It stresses me out. While I was getting myself psyched up, I got to thinking about how I had to call someone on the phone about washing my face, and how retarded and unnecessary it is.

Finally, after I took the edge off a little (wink), I called the face wash and talked to this dude who sounded like a 60 year old washboard player. I didn't think that calling about washing my face could get any weirder, but I was wrong.

THE FACE WASH GUY: Uhh, welllll, if'n th' four-piece is dryin' y'all's face out, I reckon y'all could git some-uh this here moistur-a-mizer.

ME: No, I have it already, it doesn't help.

Of course the call lasted forever, cause it was all scripted out to turn me cancelling into me not cancelling plus buying more stuff. But I finally was free to buy different face wash, P. Diddy be damned. But, I should clarify that I was not unhappy with my face-washing experience, I am just a soapwhore, and I think that having to join a dumb club (it is not a club, okay, if it was a club, magazines would be clubs, too) was actually a bonus, because without it I would never have had that terribly weird and awkward phone call. And I really love that weird and awkward shit, it is my favorite.

*If you are interested, the short list of things I think about is as follows:
1. face wash
2. diet cola
3. dogs
4. Chef Raekwon
5. rats in my car
6. stealing Drew's socks

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