This is gonna be one heck of an adventure
by Natalie Dee
Q: My boyfriend is an amazing guy. He's smart, funny, and actually going to school to do something with his life. My parents even like him! The problem lies in the fact that girls in my dorm (whom I have gotten pretty close to) don't want me to be with him. It's hard to have to live with girls hating on the best thing that's ever happened to me. What should I do?
A: You have two options.
Your first option is to dump your boyfriend because your friends in the dorm don't like him. The second is that you can be an adult and just carry on with a relationship you are happy with and your family approves of, regardless of what your friends in the dorm say.
Hopefully, you would chose to go with the second option. You are a little too old to live your life as your friends dictate. They are not going to have to live with the repercussions of your decisions, you are, so their opinions should be the last you take into consideration. If they are concerned because your boyfriend treats you like crap, that is one thing. But if they are just telling you to dump him for inconsequential reasons, you should question their motives more than your relationship.
Q: A few years ago, I lost most of my penis in an accident. I have had a three relationships in the time between the accident and now, and most of the time in romantic situations, I just feel terribly inferior and useless. I'm pretty sure that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, since my relationships all ended when it came to the sex part. Two of the relationships ended because the people felt that they couldn't be with someone that they couldn't sleep with them the regular way, though there were other problems as well.
I guess I've sort of come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to have regular sex, but my question is this: what can I do for the other person in the relationship? Do I tell then upfront about my lack? I don't want someone to feel that I'm "leading them on." Is it acceptable to offer to use a strap-on or is that a very uncomfortable and awkward alternative? I want to make it as easy as possible for my partner to deal with. -Ben
A: It is completely possible for you to be able to have an active and satisfying sex life with someone, but you are going to have to make sure the lines of communication are open from the get go. Tell them about the accident as soon as you think they should know about it, and let them know that you can still be sexually active despite it.
It would be perfectly acceptable to offer a strap-on or dildo, but I wouldn't suggest it the first time you are intimate with someone. Strap-on sex might be a little intimidating to a girl who hasn't had one used on them, and hasn't really ever though about it before. Fine-tune your oral sex skills, and learn some fancy finger tricks, and a lot of chicks would be plenty satisfied. If she feels like she needs a little more, she would probably not mind if you suggested vibrators and dildos and strap ons.
Being honest and making it clear that your injury isn't going to prevent you from completely wrecking her ass is going to go a long way in making a chick be open to having a relationship. A girl isn't going to leave you because of your injury if your injury has no effect on whether or not she's gonna get her rocks off on a regular basis. Take your time and be creative, and she won't miss anything. There is nothing inferior or useless about a guy who takes his time and gets the job done despite any obstacles he might face. There are plenty of guys with huge dicks who can't get the job done.
Don't beat yourself up if a relationship ends badly... if she is interested in you as a person, and cares about you, she is not going to care about your injury. Girls who can't see past it are too shallow to be worth your time.
Q: My boyfriend really wants me to give him a blow job, but I really don't want to. I've realized that my discomfort with the idea probably has more to do with the fact that I don't know how to do it and I think I would be really bad at it. My boyfriend isn't pushy or anything, but I feel really guilty saying no. I mean, he pleasures me in every way he can think up, and when I'm not able to have sex, I still want to be able to satisfy him (I am no good at hand jobs - another reason I think I will be bad at giving head). So what do I do? Do I just give in and try it even though I will probably really suck (no pun intended)? Or do I stick with what I'm good at and just leave him to his own devices five or six days a month? -Shannon
A: Don't bite it and pretend to like it. There. Now you know how to give a decent blow job.
You don't want to do oral, you don't want to give him a handjob... You're just going to do what you're good at? What are you good at? Just laying back and taking it? How would you feel if the only thing your boyfriend did was get a boner and lay there? THAT WOULD BE NO FUN.
Your boyfriend tries to make sex fun and interesting for you, you need to return the favor. A ton of girls would love for a guy to pay attention to her needs, and would have no problem doing things to encourage that behavior.
Nobody does anyting for the first time and is a pro. Instead of being all "Oh, I don't know how to give oral sex! I don't know what to do! This is going to be terrible!!" why don't you try being more like "Oh! I am gonna suck a dick today! This is gonna be one heck of an adventure!" Be more positive about satisfying your partner, and be open enough with him that he can tell you how he likes it, and it will be an awesome, fun learning experience instead of being the dreadful nightmare you are trying to make it out to be. If you are mature enough to have sex, you should be mature enough to not cringe when thinking about even having to touch a penis.
Natalie Dee is a Columbus-based artist and writer whose work can be seen at nataliedee.com.
To Ask Natalie, e-mail email@example.com
(c) 2001-2006 Natalie Dee. Images and text on nataliedee.com may not be used in print, online, or other media without explicit written permission from natalie dee. Read the FAQ for contact information.|