10-12-2004: it was great.

Q: natalie i'll be 18 in like amonth and my mom is none other than a syco bitch. she still thinks i'm going to go by her fuckin insane rules, i'm a damn prisoner in my own home. if you were me would you not leave and never look back or would you try to establish some kind of relationship with her?

A: "wah wah wah. i'm 17 years old and completely unable to take care of myself, and feel all helpless, so i am gonna shit on the one person who takes care of me and tries to make sure i have everything i need." whatever, that teen angst shit doesn't fly with me, honey. i was in baghdad when you were in your dad's bag, so you can't come step to me and think i am gonna answer a question like that without dressing you down. you are a MINOR, who still lives with your parents. of course you are gonna go by her fucking rules. its her fucking house. if you were my daughter, and you pulled some kind of attitude with me like you were hot shit and i was just cramping your style, i would tell you to fucking shape up or get the fuck out. i tell you what, you are not ready to take care of yourself. you need some kind of semblance of maturity to be able to swing it with the adults out in grown up world, and by your e-mail i can tell you don't have that. you mother brought you into this world, has taken care of you for all these years, and probably bought those JNCOs you are wearing right now. get it together, one day you will wish you hadn't treated the one person who loves you more than anything so disrespectfully. you make me sick. now, on to questions that don't turn my stomach...

Q: Should I drop out of my MFA program?

A: yes. if you already have a bachelor's, that is enough to get a job, and nobody is going to be all like MASTER OF FINE ARTS? LETS HIRE HER TO BE THE RESIDENT PICTURE PAINTER AT OUR FABULOUS COMPANY. having a degree is valuable, but an arts degree will only get you as far as you can throw it. it would be better to spend your time developing your own style and portfolio, and peddle that. if you stuff is good, they will hire you regardless of your degree, if not, they will not hire you just because you have one. good luck!!

Q: here's my question. Both I and my twin sister recently went away to college, to different colleges in completely different states. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but it is proving to be very traumatic for both of us. I love the college I go to and don't want to leave, and the same applies for her. Aside from just calling a whole lot and such, what suggestions do you have for helping both of us to cope?

A: that is a toughie. i would suggest e-mails and letters and visits. also, i know you did not want me to tell you to call each other, but if you get cell phones from the same company, you can call each other for free, then you can talk to each other when you are walking to class or waiting for the bus, and it will be almost like being together, only people will think you are talking to yourself. maybe that is not a good answer, but i am probably the wrong person to ask. my sister lives a mile away and i haven't seen her since my wedding 6 months ago.

Q: So I recently got Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. That's one of those diseases that's on the STD card they give you when you're a freshman in college. So when people ask why I can't walk right or can't do any physical activity for six weeks (that's to minimize scarring so I'm not infertile in the future), should I just say, "I have a medical condition," and leave it at that? Or should I just come out with it and say that I have PID and face the stigma? Interestingly enough, the infection was not caused by venereal bacteria...but hey...do I really want to go into it? What's your take on it?

A: i would be specific with the people you know well, and vague with the people you don't. i am all for being honest with people, but i understand that sometimes people you don't know don't appreciate it that much. i would not want to explain to my boss that my disease is not venereal disease, but i would want to educate people i know that i have a disease that is sometimes a venereal disease but sometimes not. rock on.

Q: I would like to know if there is such a thing as bean cream. I have been looking for it everywhere, even Wales! I could not find any, but I'd just like to know if you've ever heard of it and know what or where it is

A: do you mean hummus?? i think you mean hummmus.

Q: I wear womens jeans, not because im a cross dresser or anything but because jeans made for the "normal" male body type are all hidiously baggy and if i get a size that is long enough they are gangster saggy pants. I also hate to use belts because all the excess stuff bunches up and makes lumps. however alot of female jeans (size 6) are a little short. so would adding a strip of denim too the ends look even stupider than a grown man that is 6'4 138lbs wearing womens jeans that are slightly too short

A: i think highwaters would be better. pants with extended cuff might look kinda retarculous. i bet you could get online, though, and check to see if you could order super-long women's pants. those real tall bitches gotta get their pants somewhere.

Q: alright well heres the deal...im dating my friends ex and I really want to have sex with him but it scares me that he had sex with my friend. I don't really feel like I want to be doing my girl friend, ya know? so what should I do?

A: don't fuck him. fucking your friend's ex-boyfriend is not that classy. i think the #1 rule of friends is that you do not swoop in and snatch their leftovers. obviously you have some reservations about it, or else you would not be asking me. spare your own self-esteem and your friend's feelings (cause it will hurt her feelings. her feelings are probably hurt from you dating him already) and just don't do it. there are more dudes in the world than good friends, and it is not worth it.

Q: I love your cartoons, but I was wondering why so many of your drawings have pictures of things saying no? Why are you so negative?

A: i do not think it is negative. like "do i have to go to work today?" "nooooo." see? that is positive.

Q: hi natalie! what's your favourite position to have sex? i'm just looking to try new stuff, with my man, and was wondering what you like, since you are awesome!

A: missionary through a hole in the sheet.

Q: What was highschool like for you ?

A: it was great.

Q: do people call you nat? do you really fucking hate it a lot? i would hate it....so much.

A: actually, i do hate it a lot. there is a dude at work who calls me nat, and i pretty much hate him just because of that. i find it kinda irritating. we should start a club, cause we both hate being called nat.

(c) 2001-2006 Natalie Dee. Images and text on nataliedee.com may not be used in print, online, or other media without explicit written permission from natalie dee. Read the FAQ for contact information.