by Natalie Dee
I am a college student sharing a dorm room with three roommates. All three play the guitar and like to have them plugged into their respective amps. Theyíre constantly holding ďshowsĒ and practices in our room, which is ridiculously small.
One of them goes to bed sometime around 10 oíclock every night, and is the loudest snorer Iíve ever heard. The others will trickle into the room around 3 to 5 a.m. (even on weekdays) and proceed to chat with their friends online until they go to bed.
On top of that, my major is very time-consuming and very demanding, which of course requires a good nightís sleep. Iíve invested in some high-quality earplugs that seem to make little difference. Please help. óChris
Well, you canít do anything about your roommateís snoring, cause thatís really not his fault. Thatís the kind of thing that can be dulled by your nice earplugs, though.
The loudness and lack of consideration are going to have to get straightened out, and ASAP. College is a place where you can stretch out and practice being a grown-up. A lot of people see this as an opportunity to just do whatever they want, and they tend to forget that other people sometimes suffer for it. Youíre paying tuition, and paying for room and board, so above all else you deserve to live in a place thatís conducive to being successful in your major.
Did you sign a roommate agreement at the beginning of the term? What kind of house rules did you agree on? If theyíre in violation of agreed-upon rules, then let them know. If not, have a room meeting and tell them about your concerns. Blame it on impending midterms or some other important academic things, and Iím sure theyíll understand.
If not, talk to your RA. Heíll be more than happy to help you out, especially since your roommatesí loudness is probably affecting other rooms on your floor as well.
I moved out of my parentsí house when I was 19. I lived by myself for one year, and then lived with my boyfriend for two years. My lease is ending at the end of this month and I find myself planning to move my stuff, my cats and my life back to my parentsí house.
The benefits would be there: Iíll save money, and be close to campus so I can finish school. I will avoid sitting around at home, and most likely work harder at a job.
Staying where I am, in comfort and ease, I feel I will go nowhere. It will most likely take me much longer to finish school. But to move I will be living separately from my boyfriend and lose much of the comfort and freedom Iíve grown so accustomed to. Do you think Iím making the right decision?
In a word, no. A lot of people move back in with their parents in their twenties, but it doesnít make sense if thereís no real reason to do so.
If the job market is bad and you canít get a gig, or if youíve hit some pretty desolate financial times, fine. Thatís a perfectly good reason to suck it up and move in with your folks. But moving back to your parentsí house just because it would be more convenient smacks of immaturity.
Hell yes it would be more convenient. At what point in your life is it not going to be more convenient to have someone else pay your way? Hell, Iíd like my mom to pay for my rent and food and bills. That would be awesome. But Iím an adult, and Iím not going to do that unless the situation is mega-dire.
Youíre, what, 22 or 23 years old? Youíve been on your own for awhile. You have a long-term, live-in boyfriend. You even referred to your current situation as ďcomfort and ease.Ē Whatís the problem? Why canít you finish school and work hard at your job?
If you donít like school, and thatís why you havenít finished, living with your folks isnít going to change anything. If you donít like your job enough to work hard at it, moving isnít going to change that either. You should save the move-back-home card for when youíre in a bad situation and need help, not for when being a grown-up is inconvenient for you.
Iíve been dating a really awesome guy for a couple of months. The relationship is great, and weíre crazy about each other, but thereís one problem: He has really, really severe ADHD, and he doesnít always take his medicine.
I hate reminding him to take it and sounding like his mom, but I hate being around him when he hasnít taken it because heís obnoxious and loud, when heís usually outgoing, funny and sweet. I donít think he likes acting crazy, but I feel really uncomfortable bringing it up.
Weíve never really argued over anything, and Iíd hate to start an argument over something that might not matter that much. ďHey, I love you and everything, but when you donít take your medicine I want to lock you in the basement till you shut the hell up.Ē
Should I just suck it up because heís great 90 percent of the time, or keep him from acting like a shit and remind him to take it? óAmber
I can understand your concerns, as most chicks donít like playing the nag. I sure donít. But when your boyfriend doesnít take his meds, it affects you, so I donít think youíd be overstepping your bounds to bring it up.
Even if heís great 90 percent of the time, heís still irritating as shit three times a month, which, in my opinion, is frequent enough to talk to him about. Let him know that you donít want to feel like his mom, but you love being around him and donít want the time you spend together to be freaking irritating.
If he knows he has this problem, he can probably tell when heís being obnoxious. I would make sure you talk to him on a day heís actually taken his meds, though.
Natalie Dee is a Columbus-based artist and writer whose work can be seen at nataliedee.com. To Ask Natalie, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org
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