Wedding planners and marital chastity

by Natalie Dee

I recently got engaged. Our parents were so thrilled that they started planning a wedding without consulting us. I am so furious I almost want to go to a courthouse and get married without them and their crazy plans. What should I do? óAndrea

I would sit down and talk to your parents. Let them know that you understand how theyíre excited about your impending nuptials, but they are your nuptials. Then you can show them the plans you made for your wedding. Itís OK if they make suggestions, but it is your wedding and it should be what you want, not what they want.

If your parents are paying for the whole thing, though, you will need to let them have a say, since theyíre dropping a lot of money on it. Even in that case, they should listen to your ideas and plan something with you rather that without you.

I think if you and your fiancť just sit down with your folks and try to work something out, you will be able to find a compromise. If not, and they still try to run the show, you have my blessing to run to the courthouse.


Iíve been married for a little over two years now and have noticed that sex has pretty much gone by the wayside. Neither of us makes any advances nor talks about sex at all.

For a while I would try to get some, only to find that she didnít feel like it. Sometimes she would try, usually at the most inopportune time imaginable, and I didnít feel like it. Now we just donít bother at all until itís been such a long time that we both find some time to do it. We somehow have sex about once a month, if that.

Before we got married, we dated for several years and sex was easy and we both loved it. We did it a couple times a week, if not more! Not all that much has changed otherwise in our livesówe both still work, have several pets and no kids (canít have kids).

Do you think I need to get divorced and start dating my wife again in order to get laid more? óNate

Do you actually want to have more sex or do you just feel bad because you think you should be having more sex? íCause the way it sounds now, youíre just sitting around waiting for your wife to trip and fall on your dick (but only if she doesnít trip during Law and Order.)

If you go a real long time without having sex, the sexlessness of it will just start building momentum and you will never do it again. You werenít making your sex life a priority, so the rest of your life just took it over.

You need to talk to your wife about this if you want it to change. Find out how she feels about this, and make it a point to make sex a priority. You know, food, shelter, water, sexóthose are the things that you need. Everything else is stuff that gets in the way of you fucking.

Sure, you need to go to work and take care of your pets and everything, but come on. It doesnít take that long to have sex. If it takes an hour youíre taking longer than the rest of us.

Donít even get me started on that ďI didnít feel like itĒ thing. If youíre concerned about the amount of sex youíre having, and your wife tries to have sex with you, do it. If youíre busy, make it a quickie. If youíre at work, have phone sex with her. Anything. If you want to start getting laid more, you have to actively try to get laid.


I recently left a long and serious relationship. Shortly after the breakup, a guy Iíve been best friends with all of my life asked me to marry him.

I have no physical attraction to him, and think of him like a brother. Weíve never dated, and heís never even hinted that he has feelings for me.

What the hell should I do? His friendship means the world to me, but I donít want to be his wife! Is there a pleasant way to say no? óSara

Awww, poor guy. The most pleasant way to break it to him would be to tell him just what you told meóhis friendship is really important to you, but you donít want to marry him. It might be a little awkward after you turn him downóhis ego will be bruised and whatnot. But if youíve been friends for this long, youíll be able to work through the awkwardness eventually.


Iíve been dating this guy for a long time (seven years). We have not progressed as far as marriage because we were attending grad school in different places.

Things are calming down, we are in the same location and Iím ready to get engaged, only heís still not graduating. I donít want to marry someone who canít graduate, but I donít want to not marry him either, and Iím not getting any younger (Iím in my late twenties). What do you think? óSallie

Why is he not graduating? Is he just messing around and not trying to finish, or is he in a field that requires more schooling than yours?

Talk to your boyfriend and let him know about your concerns. Tell him you want to get married, and that you want to marry him, but not before he graduates. Then try to lay out a timeline that works for both of you.

If he isnít willing to make concrete plans with you, and he isnít ready to settle down, then start worrying about it. You canít put your life on hold for someone else, but itís not fair to him to make a decision to move on without trying to work through it with him first.

Natalie Dee is a Columbus-based artist and writer whose work can be seen at To Ask Natalie, e-mail

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