My best friend is a homophobe lover

by Natalie Dee

I am gay and my best friend has been having man problems since, well, forever. Recently, she found someone who she really likes and makes her really happy, however, he is extremely homophobic. Not like ďlesbians are still coolĒ but as in ďI hate all gays.Ē

This bothers me extremely and I feel like she doesnít even care about the fact that he would have problems with me. I have talked to her a couple times about it, and she claims she can ďchange him,Ē which I doubt.

Am I a bad person for getting mad about how she doesnít care, or is it bad on her part for liking him and not even caring that heís homophobic? óJames

I donít think youíre wrong for being upset with your friend. I would probably feel betrayed if my best friend started dating someone who hated me for no other reason than sheer ignorance.

This guy sheís dating is not going to change. Heís an ignorant asshole. Nothing she does is going to make him stop being like that. I think the real problem here is that your friend probably has low self-esteem and just wants to stay with this guy ícause heís not as shitty (to her) as the last couple guys.

Unfortunately, thereís nothing you can do to make her leave him, so youíll probably have to wait until this relationship runs its course. Talk to your friend again and let her know that, while sheís still your best friend, you will not hang out with her if he is aroundóthen stick to it. If you are hanging out with her and he shows up, leave. Donít make a scene, just leave. If she invites you somewhere he will be, tell her you wonít be able to make it.

It will be hard, but itís the best way for you to show that you donít want to associate with stupid, hateful people. Just because your friend accepts his homophobia (and she does accept it if sheís dating him) doesnít mean that you have to.


If you are in a relationship with someone, is driving by their house when you know they arenít home creepy or normal? óJenny

I donít know about creepy. It is pretty obsessive. Also, it makes it seem like youíre distrustful of him, like youíre double-checking to make sure heís really not home.

If you feel compelled to drive by some dudeís house when you know heís not home, you might want to think about taking up some sort of hobby. Itís not cool to spend your entire life either with some dude or getting weird and obsessive about him. Calm down and read a book, yo.


I met a guy recently and we really hit it off. We have a ton in common and heís very attractive and ambitious. However, heís very shortóabout an inch shorter than me.

At the risk of sounding shallow, it kinda bothers me. I love everything else about him, but this thing is just really throwing me off. What would you do? Would you date a guy shorter than you?


Well, if it bothers you, it bothers you. Thereís not really anything you can do about that. It is a little shallow, but I think most people are a little shallow.

Iíve dated guys shorter than me, and like you, it bugged me. Did I continue dating them anyway? No. Iím shallow. Iím also not patient enough to get into a relationship with someone and wait until something I donít like about him doesnít bother me anymore.

The fact of the matter is you canít help it if it bothers you. If itís driving you nuts, and you canít stop thinking about it, you donít have to date him. Itís true that he canít help being short, but you canít help being not turned on by short dudes. If he was THE ONE, then I bet you would not mind the slight height difference, but the fact that it bothers you enough that you question dating him leads me to believe that he is not.


Iím moving to Austin, Texas, for a new job in three weeks. Iíve never been away from my hometown for any longer than a couple of months.

Do you have any suggestions as to how to make the most out of my new home? How do I meet new people quickly in a town where I donít know anybody? óEmil

It is really tough to find friends because most people are dicks and the ones who are not dicks are socially awkward to the point of near retardedness. That means that if you leave it up to other people to befriend you, you will be waiting around forever.

Do you know anyone at all in Austin? Maybe talk to them about what kind of stuff there is to do in town, have them show you around, etc. Even if your sole Austin contact isnít someone you would see yourself being great friends with, you might meet other people through them that you could hit it off with.

Another option is to get involved in clubs or other group activities you might enjoy. Take an art class on the weekend or sign up for the gym. Check the Austin Craigslist before you move to get an idea of things that will be going on when you get to town. (I checked it just now and thereís an entire section of people looking for people to start sports teams and other stuff like that.)

Having to find all new friends may seem sucky, but as long as you donít spend your time in your apartment feeling lonely, youíll be able to meet some nice people.


Why do chicks dig me so much? Is it the fedora? óJack


Natalie Dee is a Columbus-based artist and writer whose work can be seen at To Ask Natalie, e-mail

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