2-18-2004: how does it feel to be awesome

Q: When naming a baby, can I give it any name I want to? Last name included? Like say, Herbert McAutumnbottom (say it with me!) Or what about giving it a title? Like Milton Kuttingham, Japapeno King of Texas?

A: I think you can name your kid whatever you want. The thing is, you gotta name them something that will not lead to them being unemployable, or them hating you. I mean, if you want them to be miserable, just get an abortion, you know?

Q: Did you peel the shell off of that egg before you cubed it or is that a cubed egg that's still in the shell?

A: Yes.

Q: My boyfriend is kinda an asshole. He makes me pay for ~everything~. When I feel like just sitting around and enjoying his company, he has better things to do, but when he wants, it's like, in the middle of the night when I have to work the next day. He's like wicked jealous of my guy friends (pretty much all of my friends are guys) and gets all pissy when I even talk about them. And sometimes, he's just plain mean about shit, like calling me fat or something. Should I ditch this dude?

A: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggghhh. IF YOU NEED TO ASK, YOU NEED TO DUMP HIM. That is the advice I have for everyone. If you need to ask if you need to dump him, you should have dumped him already. If he is not nice to you, he should have been dumped a long time ago. He is not your family, you don't have to hang out with him even though he acts like a complete fucker.

Besides, homeboy sounds like a real asshole. Go get yourself a guy who is nice, and who has a bigger weiner. (That is my second piece of advice for everybody: always go for the bigger weiner.)

Q: Are you Natalie Dee because your middle name is Delores? My middle name is Delores, hence Laura Dee. I have never known of anyone with the same middle name as me, so if your is that would be cool. It would be kind of like a secret club

A: Actually, Dee is not my middle name, it is my second initial. It is like when you were in elementary school, and there were two other girls in your class with the same name, and when you did dittos you have to write your name at the top with your second initial so the teacher would not get confused. It is like that. There are tons of Natalies. I am Natalie Dee to avoid confusion.

Q: I'm a college student in L.A. and I spend my summers working in Monterey. A friend of mine at work, who I'm always in contact with, has been going through an unbelievably hard period lately, which has caused him to feel abandoned and unloved. I'm a Christian and I have a very real and strong relationship with Jesus Christ and I believe that He is the truth. I know that God loves my friend and I want my friend to be aware of this love...but the last thing I want to do is make him feel like I'm "forcing my religion on him". Sharing my faith is not something I'm embarrassed about, but in this particular case, the person I'd be talking to is decidedly of the opinion that all Christians (with the inexplicable exception of me) are easily excitable brainwashed Republicans with 2.5 kids, a healthy case of homo-phobia and a really obnoxious bumper sticker on the back of their SUV. I want to get YOUR perspective on how to communicate to my friend a love that I have experienced and KNOW is real, without pushing him away. I truly believe that there is a God who adores him, therefore he is never alone. All I want to do is encourage him with this possibility. Any ideas?

A: Hmmmm. Nobody likes being put on the spot like that. I mean, it is fine that you are religious. People are free to be as religious as they want. By the same token, they are free to be as not-religious as they want. YOU are a Christian, and YOU have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I am assuming that you have never talked religion with this guy before, otherwise you would not be dancing around it now.

What if he is Jewish? Or Buddist? Or Atheist? Or Pagan? I think that the best way to make him feel better about whatever he is going through is just to be his friend. Being a work friendship, I don't really think it is appropriate to talk God without being 100% sure that is what he wants to talk about.

Q: So...Natalie...How does it feel to be awesome??

A: It feels GREAT!

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