2-1-2004: askin natalie

Q: you seem to be the creative type so maybe you can help me with this... my friend's birthday is coming up in a few weeks and i have no idea what to get for her. she has EVERYTHING. we've been celebrating for so many years, i've run out of birthday present ideas. i don't want to get her a gift card to some cafe/bookstore and i have limited artistic abilities. perhaps you have a few suggestions as to what i should do?

A: i think that if you have been friends for so long, there is nothing your friend would like more than to hang out with you. i think what you should do is take her to the movies/to whatever bar you hang out at/bowling/whatever it is that you like to do, your treat. everyone likes to go out and have fun with their friends, especially if they are not gonna have to stop at the ATM first.

Q: Is it gross that I have fantasies that Frodo and Sam do it?

A: hmmm. i know that frodo is that lord of the rings dude, but i have not seen any of the movies or read the books, so i am just gonna assume that sam is his side-kick or something. frodo and sam, running through the woods, fighting crime.

i am also gonna assume that sam is a dude.

is it gross that you fantasize about frodo and sam fuckin'? no. i actually heard somewhere that a lot of chicks like thinking about guys doing each other or watching gay porn. it was something to do with how there is not any pressure for chicks to look all hot and have flat abs and take a cum shot, mainly because the chick is not there at all. also, i think the dudes are better looking or something. there was some other reasons, but i forgot what they were. i like gay porn cause watching a guy gay-ass-fuck another dude is real novel.

is it gross that you fantasize about sci-fi characters doing it? yes.

Q: (insert one of the 15 billion questions about the "18+" here.)

A: okeedoke, i really thought i covered this already. i mean, the FAQ is there so people can look and get an explanation about something, and therefore not e-mail me about it. but i am gonna go over this one more time and just delete every single e-mail i get on the subject from here on out.

there are many reasons that the site is 18+. the first reason is that this is my website and i can do anything i want.

i do not like thinking about kids looking at my website. i am a full-fledged grownup, and if i wanted to watch what i do for a bunch of kids, i would have my own kid. i know that the material on this site is often appropriate for whoever, sometimes it is very much not. do i realize that kids who are 15 or 16 see stuff ten times worse every day? yes, but that is not my problem. if i say it is cool for 16 year olds to be here, then what is the difference if 15 year olds are here? then what about 14 year olds? before you know it, the site will be crawling with fucking 8 year olds, and they'll have my site listed in fucking yahooligans. the line has been drawn. i drew the line at 18.

in addition, by making my site 18+....all the uptight moms will leave me the hell alone....i will not have to spend time answering "ask natalie" questions about slow dancing with boys or where to get your first bra...no kids will steal their folks' credit cards to buy paintings or buttons, then when their parents get the bill they dispute charges and i get fucked out of payment... i could go on, but i think you get the point.

can i monitor the ages of people here? no, but neither can the amazing ty. i can definitely tell who is underage, though, by who incessantly e-mails me to bitch about it.

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